How to Stop Separation Anxiety in Dogs: Stopping Dog Anxiety For Good

What is Dog Separation Anxiety?

Separation anxiety in dogs is a behavioral condition where dogs and some young puppies experience extreme stress when left alone. When a dog has separation anxiety, they feel distressed that their owner or primary caregivers are out of sight. This anxiety often shows up as destructive chewing, excessive barking or whining, and house accidents, and it's a common issue linked to strong attachment.

Separation anxiety in dogs isn't limited to when you leave the house; it can manifest in the car, when one person departs, or even when everyone steps out. It's crucial to address this issue because untreated anxiety can lead to your dog becoming stressed, sick, and developing chronic health problems. For owners, it's a source of immense stress and can result in significant property damage, making it one of the most financially taxing behavioral challenges to manage.

The good news is that separation anxiety is one of the simplest dog behavior issues to solve, boasting an exceptionally high success rate. When handled correctly, we estimate a 90% to 95% success rate with our approach.

What Happens When Dogs Develop Separation Anxiety

Anxiety makes dogs incredibly stressed. You'll see this when they panic and rush around the house, or dash to the windows. It can also lead to them trying to physically prevent you from leaving, perhaps by grabbing your clothes.

Common triggers include you preparing to leave the house, or even just stepping out of the car to run into a shop, leaving your dog alone. This stress can manifest as destructive chewing of car seats and seatbelts.

Additionally, major life changes can trigger anxiety. Shifts in routine, environment, weather, or even community can make your dog feel unusually clingy.

Is It Separation Anxiety or Boredom: How to Know the Difference

It's crucial to distinguish separation anxiety from general misbehavior or boredom.

When a dog is merely bored, they seek ways to occupy themselves for fun. Once satisfied, they'll typically settle down and sleep. Separation anxiety is different; it persists even when the dog is physically exhausted. An anxious dog will exhibit persistent negative behaviors like incessant chewing or scratching. This isn't “bad” behavior; it's driven by a deep psychological need to act. This fundamental difference can lead to far more destructive situations. For instance, a dog with separation anxiety isn't just idly chewing a door; they're desperately trying to escape and will continue until they succeed. This can severely damage their teeth and health, in addition to ruining property.

Here's a simple test to differentiate separation anxiety from boredom:

Upon your return home, observe your dog. If they immediately flop down, exhausted, and fall asleep, that's a strong indicator of separation anxiety. Conversely, if your dog is excited to see you, running around, playing, eager for a walk, jumping, barking, and continues to follow you for an extended period (10-20 minutes), they are likely bored and seeking interaction, rather than exhausted from anxiety.

Commonly Believed Causes For Separation Anxiety in Dogs

The dog training world offers countless theories on the causes of separation anxiety. As a professional dog trainer, I find many of them unconvincing. I'm going to debunk a list of common misconceptions about separation anxiety, revealing what truly triggers this horrendous behavior in dogs – not mere boredom or mild distress, but genuine, severe separation anxiety.

Lack of Early Socialization

From my experience, the claim that poor early socialization is a primary cause of separation anxiety simply doesn't hold up. I've encountered very few, if any, dogs who clearly developed severe separation anxiety due to a lack of early social interaction. In fact, undersocialized dogs might even be more accustomed to solitude. To me, this widespread explanation for separation anxiety highlights a fundamental misunderstanding of the condition, even among many dog lovers and trainers.

While I strongly advocate for activities like doggy daycare for socialization benefits, understand that this alone won't resolve true separation anxiety.

Traumatic Experiences

People often point to sudden traumatic experiences like divorce or moving as the cause of separation anxiety. But to me, it's not so much the event itself. It's more about the underlying dynamic — the relationship a dog has with their owner — that's the real problem. Most dogs are incredibly flexible; they don't care where they live as long as you're happy and relaxed. It all boils down to your relationship with your dog. In the latter part of this blog, I'll show you how to build that healthy bond that prevents these issues.

Adoption From Shelters Or Rescue Dogs

It's also a misunderstanding to assume separation anxiety stems from a dog being adopted from a shelter or rescue. While there might be a slightly higher incidence in these dogs — almost as if they're “trying harder” at a certain “job” I'll explain later — that's not the root cause. The real problem, as I'll soon reveal, is something else entirely.

Overattachment

Overattachment is another suggested cause for separation anxiety, and frankly, I don't buy it either. If you rephrase it as dogs becoming overly dependent on their owners for comfort, we're getting closer to the truth: it's about the relationship between dog and owner. But it's not simply that they need constant petting to settle down. I know this because after working with 100,000 dogs over a decade — thousands with severe separation anxiety — implementing my solution consistently eliminated the anxiety immediately. This proves it had nothing to do with whether they were shelter dogs (as many still were) or a lack of socialization; what we did wasn't related to those factors at all.

Life Changes

Another supposed cause for separation anxiety is “life changes” — like a new family member, an altered schedule, or long vacations. While these can certainly trigger separation anxiety, they're typically just “the straw that breaks the camel's back,” not the root cause. It's vital to grasp the true underlying issue.

Genetics and Breed Tendencies

It's the same story with genetics and breed tendencies — the idea that some breeds are inherently more anxious. I'd argue this is a minor, almost irrelevant factor. It simply doesn't matter if a dog is nervous, happy, powerful, or whether it's a Staffy, Chihuahua, or Great Dane. All personalities, all breeds, all dogs can develop severe separation anxiety. So, I'm discarding genetics and breed tendencies as a cause entirely.

The REAL Cause of Separation Anxiety in Dogs

Let me offer a simple analogy to instantly clarify the concept of separation anxiety.

Imagine you're a parent, and your one-year-old is crawling; it's your job to watch them. If they crawled toward a main road, the door slammed shut, and you were locked inside, would you relax with a cup of tea? Of course not—you'd panic, knowing it's your job to rescue them.

Now, picture your dog as that “parent,” believing it's their job to look after you — the “toddler.” Dogs suffering from separation anxiety experience this horror.

This is the core of separation anxiety: a hierarchy issue, not a training one.

As pack animals, dogs understand that certain members protect others. When your dog sees themselves as your protector, they'll constantly follow you, watching over you. If you reinforce this by petting them, they'll think they're doing a great job. Then, when you suddenly disappear — even just going to the bathroom — they become incredibly stressed because they believe they've failed their duty. This is why managing the situation, like leaving the bathroom door open, becomes impractical when you leave for work daily. The real problem is your dog believing they're in charge and responsible for you.

The solution is simple: ensure your dog knows they're not in charge. While environmental adjustments can help, they're only 20% of the fix. The hierarchy issue accounts for 80%. Get that right, and the problem often self-corrects. Ignore it, and no amount of environmental tweaks will solve the root cause.

Symptoms of Separation Anxiety

Extreme Barking or Howling When Left Alone

One major issue with barking or howling due to separation anxiety is that it only happens when owners are absent. This leaves neighbors frustrated by all-day noise, while the dog typically quiets down just as the owner returns — meaning owners often have no idea their dog has been disrupting the entire neighborhood. This can lead to significant problems on its own.

Destructive Behavior

Destructive behavior is another severe problem, ranging from furniture chewing to extreme door scratching and chewing. I've seen dogs chew almost entirely through a two- or three-inch thick door, driven by sheer determination to “rescue” their owner. I even worked with a Mastiff that smashed through two car windows, trotting off with a bloody head just to find its owner at a fish and chip shop. Naturally, everyone screamed, seeing a huge, blood-covered dog, but all the dog wanted was to locate its person. Once it stood next to the owner, the owner just looked on in shock.

Escaping Confinement

Dogs attempting to escape confinement is another major issue. They might jump out of yards, get caught on fences, becoming trapped or injured. Digging through gardens and creating holes is common, driven by their intense frustration.

General Frustration

Beyond escaping, general frustration makes dogs highly wound up. This leads to excessive garden digging, and a lot of chewing — especially owner's items like clothes, underwear, socks, remote controls, car keys, or even the dog's own lead. These are things you've touched frequently, bearing your scent. The dog isn't just bored; they're pining, mourning, and intensely focused on you, which is why they target your things. You know it's not boredom because they never chew these items when you're home. Something fundamental is happening.

Defecating/Urinating In The House

Here's a less understood behavioral symptom: a toilet-trained dog, even years old, suddenly begins defecating indoors when you're absent. Believe it or not, this is a sign of separation anxiety. It harks back to wild wolves, who, if lost or searching for a lost puppy, use scent to guide them home. Since puppies lack GPS or phones, adult wolves would defecate to create a scent trail. So, a dog “looking after” you may instinctively do this to help you find your way back.

Trembling and Drooling

Another physical symptom is they can end up trembling and drooling, so they're absolutely terrified. They, they, you know, their whole body will tremble, they'll drool from their mouths, they'll shake. Or they'll just stand at a window looking out very, very worried. They can stand there shaking, looking, just stood in one space, watching and waiting. The whole mind is focused on the owner returning.

Loss of Appetite

Another symptom of separation anxiety is a loss of appetite; they won't eat or drink. (Crucially, I never recommend leaving food down for anxious dogs — including bones — as this actually worsens separation anxiety, so remove any food immediately.) This appetite loss is most evident when one owner leaves in a two-person household: if the dog refuses to eat, worried about the absent person, that signals separation anxiety. Clearly, this isn't about boredom.

Excessive Excitement Or Stress When The Owner Departs Or Returns

While most dogs get excited when owners return, that alone isn't always separation anxiety. True separation anxiety reveals itself as intense stress or panic when the owner leaves. If a dog frantically sprints around, tries to block you by grabbing your shirt, or appears utterly panicked squeezing through the door, that's a strong indicator. The definitive sign: a dog full of energy — barking, running — then collapses, exhausted, the moment you walk through the door.

Let's clarify what a happy, relaxed dog looks like when left alone. Many don't realize that calm dogs are perfectly fine alone for 8, 9, even 10 hours. While a one- or two-year-old might prefer a walk or a playmate, most dogs genuinely enjoy lots of sleep. A non-anxious dog, even high-energy breeds, will be fine if given morning and evening walks, access to water, some space, toys, and adequate shelter (not too hot or cold). They'll spend much of their time sleeping. So, if your dog constantly paces, unable to settle, there's a strong chance they're showing separation anxiety.

How to Diagnose Separation Anxiety

The first thing you can do is observe your dog and record the behavior using a camera when the dog's alone. This is one of the most accurate ways of measuring how much movement your dog has by actually videoing them, watching them, and monitoring them. A dog who's active for over an eight hour period, even a high energy dog, should be sleeping for four hours. They're very happy to lie around, and wake up after an hour to go around playing. But a dog that's still restless after eight hours and looking stressed — they'll tell you something's not quite right.

You can also get a consultation with a behavior modification expert who really understands the situation. You do need to be more careful because a lot of people have a lot of misunderstanding around separation anxiety, but they may be able to give you an evaluation, and of course you want to rule out any medical issues.

Solutions for Separation Anxiety

Gradual Desensitization By Doing Short Departures

First, think of this as icing, not the cake: once you've addressed the root cause with my Dog Calming Code, you can practice gradual desensitization through short departures. This is incredibly powerful. Just step out of the room for two or three seconds, then calmly re-enter, ignoring your dog. Repeat this 10-20 times daily, gradually increasing the duration to 5, 10, then 20 seconds. Consistently doing this, even for short periods, is a very effective solution that will solve the problem.

Creating a Safe Space

People often suggest creating a safe place, but this alone won't solve the problem. While a cozy spot certainly helps a dog relax, its impact is minor compared to the core issue. Frankly, I question if it's even worth doing BEFORE you get to address the root cause. You can offer chew toys and use a camera to figure out what kind of space your dog prefers — some like full access, others a smaller area, a window view, or a big grassy yard with a digging pit. These are all things you can test.

Exercise and Mental Stimulation

Third, consider exercise and mental stimulation. A tired dog from a good run will naturally be more exhausted and prone to sleeping. Draining some of that excess energy through a good walk can prevent boredom-driven mischief. Puzzle and chew toys also offer mental stimulation. However, I must stress: never leave bones down, as this can create more problems than you'd believe.

If you're schedule doesn't allow you to get that much-needed exercise for your dogs, I highly suggest getting a dog sitter or a dog walker.

Using Calming Tools and Products

There are calming tools and products — sprays, anxiety wraps, even specialized music or TV for dogs. You can try them, but I've consistently found their impact on behavior minimal because they don't address the fundamental problem.

Seeking Professional Help

Getting professional help comes in handy. If you get a certified professional dog trainer who understands that separation anxiety is not a training issue but a hierarchy issue, working with one will be worth doing.

Veterinary Consultation

Regarding veterinary visits, I generally advise against medications that carry side effects and fail to address the core issue. However, if you need assistance while implementing the Dog Calming Code, I'd suggest CBD oil for dogs. It can genuinely help calm them with no side effects. But I must stress, it's a supportive measure only in conjunction with the Dog Calming Code, which fundamentally shifts the relationship so you're in charge, not the dog.

The Main Solution: Dog Calming Code Strategy

The way to solve separation anxiety is to change the relationship that you have with your dog. Rather than putting your dog in a position where they believe they have to look after you, keep an eye on you, you change it, so you say to your dog, “I love you and I'm in charge, and I'm allowing you to switch off and relax. You don't have to look after me.” It's like helping a little toddler or a young child not to panic when Mummy or Daddy goes out of the house. If there are two adults there and one of them leaves, the children don't panic; they just say, “Well, that person's fine to go.”

Helping your dog overcome anxiety when you leave allows you to come and go as many times as you want. When you avoid this unhealthy relationship and overdependence on each other, your dog will learn to stop being anxious.

Whether you've got a puppy or a dog, you just put the Dog Calming Code in place. This program is designed to transform that set up with your dog, so your dog knows who's in charge. When you put the program in place, everything changes.

Common Mistakes to Avoid

Punishing Anxious Behaviors

Punishing your dog for anxious behaviors, stress, or even digging up the garden is never effective. In fact, it can significantly worsen their anxiety. Getting angry with your dog—whether they've caused damage, are stressed, or have chewed their paws—is one of the least helpful responses. The key is to understand the root cause of their stress and recognize that the solution is often simpler than you think. Realizing that this is a straightforward problem to solve is incredibly empowering. Once you adjust your own behavior and approach, you'll likely see your dog self-correcting their actions.

Giving Too Much Affection During Departures/Arrivals

Avoid excessive petting, cuddling, and affection when leaving or entering the house. A highly emotional, high-pitched voice before you leave can trigger your dog's anxiety. Similarly, an overly effusive greeting upon your return can worsen the situation. In both scenarios, the goal is to enter and leave calmly.

Conclusion: Separation Anxiety Is More Than Just Boredom

Here's the takeaway: Separation anxiety isn't about boredom. It's about your relationship with your dog. When you establish that you're in charge, everything shifts.

My Dog Calming Code program is designed to build this healthy relationship. What's great is it doesn't just fix separation anxiety; it also improves recall, stops leash pulling, and helps create a generally non-reactive, obedient, and easy-to-train dog. If you're interested, click the link below.

For seriously stressed dogs, consider my Angel Oil (CBD oil for dogs). It's shown phenomenal calming results when used with the Dog Calming Code.

The good news? Separation anxiety isn't complicated. In fact, it's one of the easiest problems to solve. Have a great day, and as always, love your dog.

~Doggy Dan 🙂